And honestly, if my boyfriend told me he wants nothing to do with his own child. No one called him a criminal. Is that pretty much it? And not because he deserved it for having possibly unprotected sex. There is no child at conception very good. It doesnt have to toss a ball with you to help with your rehab or take pictures of you with your new arm. Recently he ended the affair and told this woman to have no further contact. Deadly, sure, but not highly infectious. Now this is really petty, but I'm planning to post a picture of me and my boyfriend for her to see. You seem to put a lot of blame on her, but you do know that he was there too, right? But what can I do? Thats what IVF is for either the male or the female gives of their own gametes. Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Please read our Comment Policy before commenting. And shame on you for agreeing that he is entitled to this opinion. She isnt the one you should be taking issue with. Turns out it wasnt even his kid (thats another story), but she showed up at his work, called him repeatedly in the middle of the night, and physically assaulted his friends girlfriend in a parking lot. But this doesnt mean that hes not scum. Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. This poor unborn child who I feel very, very sorry for already, is not the problem. How fast his new relationship is moving. Her judgment is irrelevant, but it isnt immoral. Well, ok. If the woman in question is also 40, I highly doubt her birth control failed. I dont know why you dont understand that people think this guy is a scum, because he has said that he is going to be a deadbeat dad, and is pretty much taking no responsibility for what happened. T he mystery of Tom's sudden baby endured until several years ago when I looked him up on Facebook. As a woman, I have to take responsibility that any man I have sex with may very well walk away from me never to be heard from again leaving me with a child to raise alone. She has no right to be angry at this other woman, and doesnt know what her motives are. Now, yes, people will say: Forgive him. It is never the unborn childs fault. 4. stop stressing so much.many children are born under worse circumstances the guy and his ex its their problem to solve not yours. I Got Another Girl Pregnant Prank *WE BROKE UP SIGH*Hylton's family vlog - https://youtu.be/pV11uGFaESsItz The Taylor's - https://youtu.be/8hVLcR1kvrsSUBSCRI. Inc. Lee's Summit MO. Not everyone believes that. I just feel sorry for the pregnant girl. But I almost laughed out loud when I read untrappable. Also I take that because your boyfriend knew she was on the pill he didnt use a condom. But I dont see anything in the letter that means he must be.. If she doesnt, DO NOT have sex with her. The point you bring up here is why I cant wrap my head around one night stands. Babies are malarky. I see no reason why the mother in this scenario cannot be a great parent who can explain, in a way that doesnt hurt them or damage their self-worth, why they were put up for adoption [or only have one parent involved], SpaceySteph [The most dangerous place on Earth to live is in an American womans womb. But instead, she rushed into a new relationship with some new guy, got pregnant, and appeared completely irresponsible. Many women become habituated to the hormone regimen and begin ovulating again, even while on the pill. But then it really IS all about needless solidarity on here as of late to be sure. Hell, as a parent, I probably should never drive to get coffee because Im risking death in an accident for something I dont need, and yes, I do know that people die in car accidents. She wants to live in a dorm with her friends and no way is she missing weeks of school to give birth. Absolutely BOIL. Again, this implies that a pregnancy must lead irrevocably to a child. Its just that all the other concepts that get us to the point of support arent gender blind yet. Fyrebyrd2 Oh, in a perfect world, kerrycontrary I have nothing against casual sex or sex without a relationship, but you should still have some sort of base level of respect for the people you are banging. I would love to pil your brain on this, specifically how your mom handled discussing it with you if you would be Willing to share. I also think hes kind of a jerk for having sex with someone he cant stand. I think the hes a scum is more about not wanting anything to do with a child that he helped create and trying to brow beat this woman into having an abortion. Honestly, I see unfairness in the current system too, but I dont see how you could look out for the best interests of children while simultaneously making everything 100% fair for both mother and father. Is anyone else eagerly anticipating the update to this one? Rather than holding him responsible, you have focused on the other women. No. Not your wallet, not your choice. Because women are always unfairly saddled with the burden of child birth, we will always be the ones who make the choices about whats going on in our own bodies. Thats why I kind of went to the extreme with the whole Threw some money thing. On a side note: If the adoption had not occured and she went after him for support, he could contest it by stating that it would be detrimental to the child as he has no fatherly relationship with the child and introducing such a relationship so many years later would be harmful. He does have a responsibility towards this baby, whether he likes it or not. Personally, I wouldnt. Just reduces the chances. Funny, he only came back to you after he found out the other girl was pregnant. Susie is lost. Again, if a woman chooses to have a baby against the fathers stated wishes (and the law of the land says this is completely and totally her choice), then that is her choice. April 9, 2012, 6:35 pm, Not highly infectious, huh? -Tried to pressure her into getting an abortion im not disagreeing with you. Well be together forever no matter what. is thrown around just to get in some dumb girls pants just as often as I wont get pregnant. is thrown around to trap ignorant dumbasses. So, hey, lets jump on him and discuss how vile he is because he didnt take measures to avoid it (and lets do so without any actual proof that he didnt wear a condom, that she wasnt on the pill, and so on). Change the subject and attack is not debate and makes you look pathetic. Besides the fact that child support is rarely enough to actually support yourself and your child. lets_be_honest Loved this guy, things were not working out, cos he was fucking around with other girls. I dont have an opinion on your status of human or troll via DW forums. I honestly dont believe any of this will ever be an issue for you. You dont get to badmouth this woman just because she wont get an abortion that YOU and your boyfriend want her to get. That being said, the LW didnt say whether he was tested so we dont know for sure. 99 % of people would necessarily mean about 99 % of women. Im perfectly happy to share my experience with you! Its that men should have as much of a say in whether they want to opt into support as do women. Mother hits hard times and ends up going on either Medicaid or Temporary Assistance/Welfare. Im waiting for the moral and mental gymnastics that say its OK to force a man to spend 18 years paying to provide a good life for the result of his error in judgement, but its not OK to force a woman to spend nine months working to simply give life to the result of her error in judgement. Dude, get away from this guy pronto! Also, HUGE RED FLAG. And what few you do procreate will become part of the growing criminal element, as they have no strong father-figure to teach them how to be part of successful society. Im pretty sure we can all agree on that? Cookie Notice But it happened. He has made it clear that he wants a pregnancy to be terminated. I agree with the magically thing. The vast majority of parents who have at least a rough acknowledgement of their paternity/maternity have joint custody even if the guys a deadbeat. Thats true I figured there was enough speculation on dickish behavior Id just float a more tame scenario by. Just because you have the right to do something doesnt mean that you should. Of course, there are adjustments to be made, but babies do not mean that all other relationships become secondary. You may not agree with it, but the laws are such that he is obligated to raise the possible resulting child and/or pay for that child for a couple of decades, if she decides not to terminate the pregnancy. Not exactly. Id be more concerned with him having unprotected sex with someone HE just met. He also didnt say fine, Ill support you financially, but really I dont wanna be a dada. He said that he would obviously pay but wants nothing to do with the women or the baby. Its not a comparable situation at all. "My mom got pregnant from a one-night-stand at 16. You want to look awesome in comparison to this new guy. And she was all, Um, yeah, those arent always 100 percent effective. And he was like, THEY SHOULD PUT THAT ON THE BOX!!!! Everything else aside, most of the guys in this thread are more upset about the sex part than they are about the child out of wedlock part. iseeshiny That way you and only YOU get to decide which woman you deign to procreate with. Knock it off. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of stress and drama by doing things like not letting him see his kids. He says it's a mistake and just did it to forget me. Id at least like a comment from the LW, since, as much fun as this has been, I do agree that it seems not unlikely that the letter is contrived. And its not because either sex is evil or worse than the other. reader, Laura1318+, writes (25 January 2008): A Whether those parents planned it or not they need to be there for that kid and not just dump it becuase you feel like it. Liberals only think of themselves. It;s an even bigger dickish move, dare I say cuntish move to fucking LIE about being on the pill to get knocked up Or maybe shes just a fucking idiot and cant figure out how to follow the directions on a prescription bottle. I hope you make sure he gets tested for STIs before you sleep with him again. I dont know how you can defend it. If you want something different, you must do something different. As of now, all he has done is indicated that he wanted her to have an abortion. So while support is gender-blind, the points that get you to the question of support arent, which kind of means support isnt either.